Let me start off by saying that if vampires are real, (1) I apologize for whatever I got wrong about you in my books, and (2) I know, I don’t deserve to write about you anymore.
I’ll explain. Few people enjoy getting their blood drawn – and of course I’m taking about via syringe since to my knowledge, vampires AREN’T real – but yesterday, I took it to the next level. In my defense, most times when I have to have blood drawn, I just grit my teeth, look away, and then sigh in relief when it’s over. But that’s not what happened yesterday. Before I get to the details, I’m going to blame some of my reaction on not having any coffee beforehand. Anyone who knows me knows that I am ridiculously addicted to my morning cup of java (side note: Don’t bother telling me how I shouldn’t drink coffee because Reasons. I literally don’t care what those Reasons are. I’ll give up coffee only after you pry it from my cold, dead hands :)). However, I was supposed to get “fasting” blood work and I like my coffee with lots of cream and fake sugar, so I knew I had to forego it before the blood draw.
The blood work wasn’t for anything serious, by the way. I’m in my forties, so my doctor orders yearly blood work on me to make sure everything under the hood is running smoothly. Now, as mentioned, I don’t particularly like getting my blood drawn, so I’ve been known to sometimes “lose” my script for blood work. I might have done that last year. My doctor, being a oh-no-you-didn’t sort of woman, also might have scolded me for skipping a year, and added a few extra tests to make sure that I didn’t skyrocket my cholesterol levels or whatever else since my last blood draw.
So, picture me yesterday, shambling into the lab with my husband while bleary-eyed from no coffee. Then, after verifying all my insurance information, I went to the Stick Room (I’m sure there’s another name for the little cubicle where they draw your blood, but it’s the Stick Room to me.) Once there, the tech pulled out not one, not two, not three, but four – FOUR!! – of those clear little plastic tubes to collect my blood in.
At this point, my palms started to sweat, but I told myself that I am an adult and this is no big deal. I did, however, warn the technician that I would cringe and look away while he drew my blood. He assured me that that wasn’t unusual. So, that’s what I was doing when the tech got started. As soon as I felt that needle stick, I tried to think about something else. The nursery rhyme “One, two, buckle your shoe” popped into my mind, so I started to mentally hum it. Of course, being me, I didn’t remember anything after that first verse, so I found myself mentally humming the Nightmare on Elm Street version of “One, two, Freddy’s coming for you…three, four, better lock your door…”
Despite this, I heard little clicks and pops when a tube was filled and a new one was added to the back of the syringe. This started to gross me out, and my mental humming wasn’t enough to detract from that. I started looking around the room for something else to distract me. That didn’t help. My gaze only landed on other patient’s tubes filled with their blood. My palms started to really sweat. I closed my eyes, thinking that would help. It didn’t. I only started imagining my blood pumping into those tubes, and I began to feel a little dizzy.
After what felt like a long time, but was probably only a minute or two, the tech told me he was done. I opened my eyes, thanked him, and then gratefully busied myself with signing the final insurance forms because doing so meant that I didn’t have to stand up right away. I was still feeling dizzy, but I was also scolding myself for it. Here’s a snapshot of that mental back-and-forth:
Rational Jeaniene: You’re fine! Now, quit acting like a child and get moving.
Actual Jeaniene: If you don’t shut up and give me a minute, I’m going to fall when I stand up.
Rational Jeaniene: No you’re not! It’s over! Start walking or the tech will realize you’re stalling!
Actual Jeaniene: Who cares? I’m sure I’m not the first person to act this way.
Rational Jeaniene: You’re probably the first who’s not a child, so get up and get moving!
Actual Jeaniene: Fine. Whatever happens next is on you.
I walked out of the lab, glad that I didn’t trip, slip, or otherwise sprawl onto the floor. Thankfully, my husband was done with his tests, so I didn’t have to worry about driving. While I followed him to the car, I continued to have the same mental back-and-forth with Rational Jeaniene insisting I was fine while Actual Jeaniene was starting to chuckle evilly. As soon as I got into our car and shut the door, I broke out in a full-body sweat, the kind that you can literally feel rolling off you. Then, a dull ringing started in my ears, followed by my vision getting really bright and really dark at the same time. I closed my eyes, Rational Jeaniene and Actual Jeaniene thinking the same thing: Oh, shit.
Reader, for a few seconds, I actually fainted. FAINTED, over a simple blood draw. If any of my vampire characters were real, they would have been laughing their asses off at me.
Since I was reclined in my chair, hubby didn’t realize I’d briefly blacked out, and like I said, it only lasted a couple seconds. By this time, Rational Jeaniene and Actual Jeaniene were in full agreement that I should just lay there quietly until I felt better. Hubby and I had already had plans to have breakfast at our favorite diner after our lab work, so he drove straight there. In the ten minutes it took, I was feeling much better. After some caffeine and food at breakfast, I was all the way better, and moving into the embarrassed stage of the experience. I mean, what kind of vampire author briefly faints after only getting a few tubes of her blood drawn? I was a disgrace to my entire profession!
That’s why I’m so glad that I’ve never seen any proof that vampires exist. If they did, I’d feel like I had no choice now except to turn in my Vampire Author card, or have it immediately revoked for cowardice in the line of bloodletting duty. But hey, if you know any real vampires, you won’t tell on me, will you? *wink*
Hi Jeaniene,
Glad you did that while sitting and not standing. Yikes!
Okay, i can empathize. I hate the needle thing. Mostly because I have deep veins that think it’s funny to move at the last minute. Now and then I get an idiot who tries to “chase” it. When I have someone who understands deep and move-y, as long as I have something to grip, and I have to look away, I’m usually good. The first time I had a full physical and they ask any questions about drug use, I find it funny.
Person: “Have you ever used intravenous drugs?”
Me: (holding out my arms laughing) “Aside from the fact that I have no interest, where? I have no veins!”
I have to go in a couple of weeks for the same thing. As much as I appreciate my doctor’s care, I really don’t like some of the things she needs.
I would make one request? If Ilona or Melissa post anything amusing in regards to this on Twitter or FB, would you share it here? I just have that feeling…. 🙂
Hope all is well.
Roseann
I don’t care about the stick too much. My problem is my veins run and hide. The technician has to job quite a few times to find a cooperative vein! Be glad you aren’t me! After they get it working, I just wait it out. Glad that is behind you. As for the vampire card, just think, Bones always made it feel good. Sigh.
My husband has to have blood drawn on a regular basis. It doesn’t bother him, BUT he has passed out on more than one occasion when it’s been a fasting test and he’s had eight vials drawn. He’s 350 lbs., so he always waits a few minutes in the phlebotomist’s chair or in the waiting room, because he’s not fun to try to pick up, and because of his MS and other issues, he can’t do it himself. Please tell Rational Jeaniene not to be a hero; Actual Jeaniene is being very sensible!
I hate needles. When given to me. I don’t mind sticking people (as part of my job). I get sick to my stomach. One time during school I donated blood before a test, threw up and during the test passed out. My teacher gave extra credit for donations to that day as he knew there was a test and knew most people wouldn’t donate. I wanted an A for sure so…… Ya I passed out. Really hate needles now.
I’m one of those people who watch the needle going in, watch the blood as it comes out. After the fact it feels morbid, but for some reason I love watching it. Everyone else thinks I’m crazy. That being said, it uncommon and your reaction is much more common! Vampire author or not, you’re not an actual vampire so you shouldn’t be expected to love it. Also you had no sustinence (sp?) so blame it on the loss of blood minus the correct amount of calories.
I completely understand where you’re coming from with this one Jeaniene, I faint nearly every time I have an injection or a blood test (or at the sight of blood, or just because I’m having to visit a friend or family member in hospital LOL)! Blood, Injury, Injection Phobia is actually a really weird one because it’s the only phobia that causes your blood pressure and heart rate to drop and that’s why people often faint. All other phobias tend to cause the opposite reaction and increase blood pressure so you’re not likely to faint from a fear of heights or spiders etc. I was told it’s all down to the body’s flight or fight response, if you’ve had a major accident and are bleeding badly it makes sense for the body to slow down your systems as much as possible to give you the best chance of survival. Whereas if you’re about to fall off a cliff or get bitten by a poisonous spider then you need that adrenaline hit to get yourself out of the dangerous situation and fainting will be zero use whatsoever.
I actually go into total shutdown mode when blood or needles are involved, my body totally freezes and I even forget to breath until someone reminds me or I completely black out. Since I worked that out I now try to focus on my breathing more than anything else and that’s helped me enormously so it might be worth bearing in mind next time you’re due a blood test.
I think even if vampires exist they’d probably forgive you for your body’s automatic response, especially since it’s something you have no control over LOL.
Thank heavens! I thought I was crazy, I’ve had the same thing happen to me. Not every time, not 1 out of every 4 times, but enough to make me leery every time I go to the stick room.
Oh my God, I react the same way! But I don’t need four tubes. One needle and one tube is enough for me. And since I know it, all I need to do is see them and I start to feel dizzy. It’s quite embarrassing because I’m thirty years old. I’m not the panic girl, belive me. It’s just this blood thing. But I love Your vampires, even if I don’t like to see my blood far away from my veins.
The only consolation is that if a one of your vampire saw me in that occasion , besides laughing, he would rather stay away, and avoid the meal. Most of the nice vampires already have a partner, and others may not be like Bones or Vlad. So… i don’t wont them close to me, when i’m absorbed in avoiding or forgetting about the needle.
Regards from Poland! And I’m very sorry for my lousy English
PS. I can’t wait for Ian. I hope that he will not lose his heavy and direct character in contact with a woman 🙂
PS2. Maybe, that kinde of reaction to blood, could be a good start for another book?:)
Kisses
I started off with a blood phobia – as in dizzy and faint at more than a few drops.
When my daughter was born, I decided I had to do something about that. No kid ever went through childhood with out bandages
My solution was to donate blood as often as I could. I went in the first time literally unable to look at anything in the room except the clock. By the time the Blood Center started refusing to let me donate (for possible exposure to mad cow disease in England), I had donated 6 1/2 gallons of blood.
I still don’t want to see the puncture, but I am a lot calmer about the red stuff.
It was a simple blood sugar drop. I’m surprised they didn’t offer you OJ or something especially since you fasted. It happens to the best of us I have no problem with blood draw but have had the same thing happen. AND NO they can NEVER revoke your Vampire Author card, we love you way too much to let that happen!!
It sounds like your blood sugar plummeted. I get it and my doctor calls it transitory hypoglycaemia. Eating something would help, as you found out.
If they drew that much blood, they should have given you some OJ, or something. It’s not just your phobia and actual Jeaniene being scared, it’s physiological.
Also, clinical needles don’t come with vampire venom to make it an enjoyable experience. No need to worry about not enjoying the experience!