Note: This post has nothing to do with my books or professional news. Skip if you only want business updates. Also, trigger warning for crimes against children and rape culture.
ETA: In the interim since this post went up, KMM released a statement on her Facebook page apologizing for her prior post (which I reference below) and saying that she will no longer be working with Phil Gigante. To avoid confusion over what is current and what is not, I have stricken through parts of the post below that are no longer relevant.
Also in the interim, several readers have accused me of personally bashing KMM by referencing the comments made in her now-deleted post, but that was never my intent. I also do not have a secret agenda to harm her release (another accusation I’ve seen.) I did, however, use the comments in her post as a springboard to discuss an issue I unfortunately have experience with and have talked about before: victim blaming. Sadly, victim blaming is not only limited to this incident with Phil Gigante. Instead, it’s prevalent in the society I live in and in societies worldwide.
I wrestled for two days about posting anything to do with the Phil Gigante scandal because frankly, I was being cowardly. I’ve had a rough month already with my mother’s unexpected passing, so I didn’t want to deal with more stress, and posts like this always generate controversy. However, every time someone else posted about it, I felt convicted over my silence because of what’s in my own past.
As I blogged about a while ago, a teenage neighbor attempted to molest me when I was eight years old. For many reasons, I wasn’t able to talk about what happened. When I eventually did, first privately to friends and family, then much later in two different public posts on my blog, most of the people who responded were compassionate. Some shared their own stories of abuse. But a few were outright dismissive or even defensive of the perpetrator’s actions. Things like “He couldn’t help himself” or “Boys will be boys” or “What do you expect with this oversexualized culture?” were said, thus shifting the blame from perpetrator onto anyone except himself.
That’s why I couldn’t stay quiet or mind my own business about this. For background, a couple days ago I read Bibliodaze’s post about Karen Marie Moning and some commenters on her Facebook page defending Moning’s choice to continue using Phil Gigante as her audio book narrator [ETA: as per above, KMM has since apologized and will not be using Gigante for her audio books] after other readers objected because Gigante has been convicted of accosting a child for immoral purposes as well as possession of child sexually abusive material 1 . I am not claiming to know all the details of the case, but I do know that Gigante plead guilty and was sentenced in a court of law. By pleading guilty, Gigante waived his right to appeal. If there were mitigating “facts” proving his innocence, I can’t imagine why he/his attorney wouldn’t have presented them, or why they would have nixed any chance they had at presenting them later at an appeal, but that’s just speculation on my part.
KMM is free to believe that her friend is innocent and there’s been a miscarriage of justice. She’s also free to keep Gigante on as her audio book narrator. [this is not longer the case] Readers are free to keep listening to books narrated by Gigante because they separate the art from the artist (none of this is me attempting to be grandiose because no one needs my permission for anything; this is me simply stating the same facts that others blogging about this have also stated.) What many people have a problem with, myself included, is the victim-blaming in the comment thread of KMM’s post, which inferred that the fourteen-year-old girl was more responsible for the illegal actions of the forty-nine-year-old Gigante than Gigante was. ETA: There is more victim blaming in the comment section of KMM’s apology post, though to be clear, not by KMM herself.]
That notion is pure and utter crap. If I commit a crime, *I* commit a crime. I might feel like I have a lot of good reasons for committing said crime (for example, all the times I go over the speed limit because hey, I’m just keeping up with traffic!) but the blame starts and stops with me. This is widely accepted in almost every crime except sex-related crimes. For example, if someone steals my car, I am not chided by police or the public in general for practically ‘begging’ for it to be stolen by driving it ‘all over town’ or letting ‘others’ drive it, too. No, instead I file a police report without any hassle or side-eying. If the thief is caught, they’ll be prosecuted, and all of the “But Your Honor, that car had its top down and the keys were in it! What was I supposed to do, I’m only human?!” won’t be considered an acceptable defense (just watch Bait Car on TV if you doubt this.)
Yet in sex-related crimes, the victim almost always goes on trial, either in real court or the court of public opinion, for what she (or he) was wearing, doing, drinking, saying, what she’s done before and/or with whom, etc., ad nauseum, etc., with the dark undercurrent being, if she did A or B, or especially A AND B, then the guy isn’t guilty because she brought it on herself. That’s what infuriates me, and it’s what I saw inferred in some comments on KMM’s prior post ETA: and on the comment section of her subsequent apology post. Victim blaming is what keeps many, many children and adults from reporting these type of crimes, thus creating an atmosphere where their perpetrators have a greater chance of striking again, and I’d rather make it harder for perpetrators, not easier.
I fervently hope that the young girl at the center of this isn’t following any of what happened over the past few days, but if she is, I would tell her that she is NOT to blame for the illegal actions of a grown man over three times her age. I would tell her not to listen to anyone who inferred otherwise, and I would tell her to be strong because brighter days are ahead.
But again, I hope she’s nowhere near this mess to know that I’m rooting for her.
Other posts about this: http://redhotbooks.com/2016/01/where-is-the-feverborn-review-there-isnt-one.html?utm_content=buffer47664&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer and http://jennytrout.com/?p=10022
You are absolutely right with each of your points! If only the rest of the world would apply your common sense attitude to all crimes, but especially crimes of a sextual nature, there would be far less predators on the streets. Thank you for being blunt and direct!
For the last several years of his career my husband was a special agent in the computer crimes division of our state crime lab. Dailey he was involved in the prosecution of sexual predators and child pornographers. If you had seen (and I’m glad you probably haven’t) what he had to wade through, perhaps no one would think that way. Children are children and adults who prey on them shouldn’t be allowed in society to prey on others
Please pass on my thanks to your husband for the very important work that he does. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have to look at the things he does in order to catch the people who desperately need to be caught.
I don’t give a hoot what he did I like his narrating and will keep listening to him it’s a free country
I’ve have been living under a rock because this is the first I’m hearing of this. My heart is broken for the girl and for finding out that he has done this. Hopefully this won’t break her and it will make her stronger. Also that this will be his wake up call to get the help he needs.
Yes, so much this.
Thank you for sharing and writing this. The victim blaming – both directly and indirectly I’ve seen on social media has been extremely upsetting. I appreciate you posting this.
Excellent points!! I was following the FB thread and like you said the comments that blamed the girl was out of line and what pissed me off. KMM has her right to believe what she wants and to use whoever for her books. But as someone that has read and listened to her books, I can’t in good faith listen to any more books narrated by him. He did plead guilty so he did do something wrong or he wouldn’t have pleaded guilty.
As a victim myself, the whole “well if you didn’t dress like that or display yourself in such a manner, you wouldn’t have been victimized” is for the birds. The long term effect is to traumatize that victim over and over, because now the thoughts of “I deserve what happens to me” leads to making more damaging choices and long-term damages. I have had to deal with many harmful situations because my filter was so damaged as a result of the victim blaming. Luckily, I had a good support system that when they knew the situation helped me realize that I was not at fault and I was a good person. Your points are very on-spot. Thank you for speaking out for those whose voice is not always heard.
Very sorry to hear what you went through. Glad you found a support system that reinforced how YOU were not to blame and how you deserve to be treated with respect. Thank you for sharing your story.
Amen Janet Bowen! It’s all too familiar and true. It’s even worse when you have the courage to speak up and you are treated like you are the perp or to blame. Like you said, asinine comments like, “What she was wearing was an invitation,” play hell on your grasp of the situation. As if the mind f*uck of what occurred and was done to you wasn’t enough, you are further degraded by being subjected to the rape kit process, recounting the events time and again to strangers, and then sometimes facing the fact that it was all for nothing b/c the DA will not prosecute. Totally agree with Jeaniene that the victims are sadly, usually treated worse or shamed more than the perpetrators. I was on the borderline of being an adult when this happened to me, I cannot imagine it happening at age 14 or younger. Sad to say, but if I had to do it over, I wouldn’t have reported it or put myself through any of the nonsense I endured to have a DA look at me to tell me it was a “he said”/”she said” and decline to prosecute, even though I was drugged. And was told it would have been different if he was violent with me and left more marks than he did. Thanks Jeaniene for speaking out about this! So important!
Victim blaming is emotional slavery – where people are surrounded by lies that diminish our truth, while trying to make evil acceptable.
I had just recently opened up to my mother in law about a former boyfriend of mine having been abusive. Her response was “And you *let* him?!”
Because of course it was my fault, I was the one that allowed it to happen. It had nothing to do with him being 11 inches taller and 150 lbs heavier. It had nothing to do with him breaking phones or leaving me chained up so I couldn’t get help. It had nothing to do with growing up in an abusive house and not realizing that I actually did deserve it. Nope it all happened because I “let him”.
I couldn’t believe the amount of victim blaming there was in one sentence.
I am so, so sorry to hear what happened to you, and how your mother-in-law reacted to it. But you are a survivor and that gives hope to others in similar situations who may need to know that there IS light at the end of the tunnel.
I am in one hundred percent agreement with you on this post. To have someone look at you and say well it’s because you were looking for attention, and you shouldn’t have hugged him or kissed him on the cheek, etc. Although your only a child and don’t understand the complexity of the sexual nature between men and women you brought this on yourself….Even though any rational adult could see that a full grown adult male three times the age of the CHILD is responsible for his own actions entirely. A child in my own experience can be broken not only from the experience itself but also all the false guilt heaped upon from self righteous people who know nothing of the trauma this kind of event can cause.
I’m utterly amazed that in 2016 we are still holding sexually assaulted victims to blame. Our justice system perpetuates this mess and we’ve got a lot of work as women to take the lead and fix this. What’s happening on college campuses is appalling and serves as an ideal place to start.
Thanks for your post and elevating this aspect of the discourse. The victims need a strong and prominent voice such as yours.
I’m done with any audiobooks associated with Gigante because I can’t separate the artist from the man.
Thank you for speaking up and leading by example!
I agree with everything you said. And would like to add something. Why is there a statute of limitations on sexual crimes. Especially crimes concerning minors. Some progress has been made in treating sexual crimes, but these are only baby steps. Murder is the only crime I know of that has no limitations. If a child is molested, they are the weakest of victims. They are susceptible to threats and emotional control by their perpetrator more than anyone else. How many times have you read of a victim who doesn’t remember the abuse until they are an adult? Or they are too intimidated to speak out? If enough years have passed, the abuser goes free. (ie: Bill Cosby). This is a law that needs changing.
I 100% agree. If he plead guilty (Plead, all by himself as opposed to being found guilty of the crime.) then to me, that means he is guilty. But that’s just my lil’ ole opinion. I don’t think there is any plausible reason for a 49 year old grown man to find himself in a situation where he could have inappropriate conversations, relations, ect. with a 14 year old child. A child. Not an adult who should absolutely know better. Thank you for speaking out about this.
Thank you for helping bring this to the attention of a wider audience. Readers should have the right to as much information as possible when they choose who they support financially.
And it’s never ok to blame a victim. Any victim. But especially a child.
You are 100% correct with this post. There was some ugly victim blaming and that is completely out of line. KMM just posted that she is no longer going to work with Phil Gigante on her Facebook page. Probably a good decision on her part.
https://www.facebook.com/KarenMarieMoningfan/?fref=ts
KMM just posted on FB that she did not know all the facts, apologized for her post, and will not be using Gigante in the future.
Thank you. Another reader just alerted me to that. I’ve added an “ETA” on the post reflecting it.
You are welcome. I appreciate your post and willingness to stand up and speak out on this matter.
The revised post by KMM is a step in the right direction but I’m afraid that she is so far out of line that I’ll never go back. I can’t unmarry my enjoyment of her writing from my anger and disappointment with her as a person. I know that I would end up scrutinizing every word and action under a lens that is focused on rape apologist behavior. It would no longer be fiction. What a shame.
I completely agree with your statement. As the mother of a 14-year-old (as should any decent person) find the actions of Phil G. indefensible! Blaming the victim is utterly despicable and not far from as shameful as the crime itself.
I have had the occasion to listen to several victims of sexual abuse. They were devastated by the experience and the lack of support they received after the abuse. I have also spoken to women who were physically and emotionally abused. The damage is different but these ladies also lacked support. Each one of these women needed a supportive environment instead of being blamed. Some of these women were afraid to tell anyone what happened because they were afraid or ashed. It made me sad to listen because all I could do was listen to their stories.
You listened, cared, and did what you could to help. I can only imagine how much that meant to them.
Ren, I can tell you that it means the world to those of us abused! For some it’s what makes the difference between dealing with the trauma and moving on and committing suicide or going on a destructive path with no end in sight. Thank you for being there!
I don’t know the details of the crime but I do know that the prosecutor was going for 10 to 20 years and Phil got 4 months. That right there says there’s more to the story than what’s being said.
I’m saddened that people like you (an author who I’ve read every book and thoroughly enjoyed) and others jumped on saying KMM was victim shaming when she never did. Are you protecting the victim by posting this? I read the article and KMM’s comments on the bibliodaze page. In no way was she blaming the victim but people like you and bibliodaze are fanning flames that should never have been fanned. I’ve never heard of bibliodaze before so what they say doesn’t matter, you on the other hand have really disappointed me and I won’t be reading you anymore.
Agree whole heartedly! I didn’t see where KMM was victim blaming at all. As a person who was molested as a child and then sexually assaulted as a teenager, most people would consider me extremely sensitive to situations like this, and I didn’t find what KMM said to be blaming the victim. KMM even admitted that she didn’t have all of the facts and rescinded her loyalty to a man she thought of as a friend when more facts came to light. It wasn’t blind loyalty as others are claiming, and she stepped up when the truth came out.
On the original post KMM said she knew the facts of the case and knew what happened. She deleted all the comments with links to articles showing what he did and what he was charged with. She even downplayed his charges. And she told people to TRUST her. If she didn’t know all the facts, then maybe she should’ve looked them up before defending him and asking her fans to blindly trust her.
The screen capture on another blog that backs up Lexie’s point.
On the original post KMM said she knew the facts of the case and knew what happened. She deleted all the comments with links to articles showing what he did and what he was charged with. She even downplayed his charges. And she told people to TRUST her. If she didn’t know all the facts, then maybe she should’ve looked them up before defending him and asking her fans to blindly trust her.
Carolyn, I’m so sorry. I was also molested as a child so this is not an issue I take lightly. I’m also very good at seeing the intent of something online and there is no way KMM intended to hurt anyone’s feelings or victim shame. I never read her post as that. What I saw was someone who was trying to keep people from bashing the new narrators and got caught up in something that she never intended. I’ve never seen her post anything negative about anyone, unlike others.
But Jeaniene didn’t post anything negative about KMM and she didn’t blame KMM for Phil’s actions either and she most certainly did not write in her post above that KMM was victim shaming, so I am completely flummoxed as to why you and Naj would say she did?
Maybe you are confusing posters in the other blog articles? If not, then please, I beg of you to quote me word for word where Jeaniene said a) anything negative about KMM b) said KMM victim shamed and c) blamed KMM for PHils actions?
Where? Where are these words from Jeaniene?
Actually, I did post the following to a duplicate comment here and on my Facebook page where a reader said that KMM never said Gigante didn’t do it. My response below:
“To recap, KMM said: “I know the facts of the case and what happened and it’s not what’s being reported. The only reason I never addressed this is because I knew some people who didn’t know the facts would see the dreaded ‘child accosted’ phrase and go ballistic. Either you trust me or you don’t. I’m satisfied that he did not do what he was charged with.” So, if my blog post was based on statements like that (and there were others) from both KMM and some of her readers, how am I bashing her for speaking out against victim blaming? And how is it not blaming the victim by saying that the perpetrator didn’t do what he was charged with, which at worst infers that the victim was lying or at best implies that she was somehow ‘asking for it’ and thus Gigante shouldn’t have been convicted.”
I certainly don’t blame KMM for what Phil did (I blame only him, as my original post should show), but that could be viewed as a negative comment since I am strongly disagreeing with KMM’s prior stance. It also says that I felt KMM’s above statement did infer blame onto the victim, either directly or indirectly, and I disagreed with that as well.
I will add to my prior reply that you’re correct: in my original post, I did only mention the comment section instead of calling anyone out by name. I also didn’t quote anyone in particular in my original post. I deliberately didn’t do those things because I wanted the discussion to be about victim blaming in general and why it shouldn’t be done, instead of about specific individuals and what they in particular should or shouldn’t have said.
However, when several of KMM’s fan base came out to accuse me of lying/smearing her name/putting words in KMM’s mouth that she never said, etc. I was forced to quote what she said in order to prove that I was not, in fact, lying or putting words in her mouth. Then, because I quoted her, some of those same fans declared that those quotes were proof that I was “bashing” her. *throws up hands* So, if I didn’t quote her, then I was a liar who was unfairly smearing KMM’s name, and if I did quote her, then I was a “basher” who only wanted to sabotage KMM for my own nefarious reasons. The saddest part about this is that in all the mud-slinging, the victim of this crime and other victims like her were shoved into the background. Again.
This is related to what I said down below, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with quoting KMM in this situation, she said it and needs to own it that is part of life. I still think their was a lot of victim shaming in that post and I am still not ok with that. My only real issue with this post is the blog links at the bottom of it. While you were not bashing KMM in your post, you do point people in the direction of those that are. That’s not ok to me. It’s one thing to quote her and share news articles, it’s another to point people in the direction of very negative blogs that are saying to basically boycott her. This makes it look like your trying to bash her but use others to actually do your dirty work. Again I completely agree with everything you wrote including quoting KMM, I just really wish you would link to facts vs. opinions.
Hi Anita, the reason why I linked the other posts was because they had screenshots of what had been said before the original post and comment section had been taken down. I didn’t copy/paste those screenshots into my post because I had wanted to keep the conversation more about victim blaming in general versus it being solely about this particular instance. However, I had anticipated being called a liar by people who hadn’t seen the original comments, and that predication ended up being true. So, when that happened (and it happened many times, both here and on my FB page) I pointed them to the links at the bottom of my page so that they could see the screenshots of previous statements for themselves.
I don’t expect this explanation to change your opinion, but I wanted to address my reasoning behind it.
The fact remains he plead GUILTY. Whether he serves 4 months or 10 years, he’s still guilty. He will be registered as a SEX OFFENDER for a long time. You don’t accept a guilty plea for something that will having lasting consequences long after you leave jail unless you’re guilty of the crime.
By not admitting his guilt, which he himself admitted, you’re making things worse, making excuses for the predators and allowing them to get away with it.
KMM commented that she knew ALL the facts and that there was more to the case that others didn’t know. She continued to downplay his charges and excuse his actions. Because being charged with “improper facebook message to a minor” is not wrong in her book. She deleted comments linking to articles showing his guilt and left comments defending him. And comments that were blaming victims. KMM is not a victim in this case.
I commend Jeaniene for taking a stand for the real victims. Burying your head in the sand only helps the perpetrators.
Where does Jeaniene say KMM victim blamed? What she says is (direct copy and paste) “What many people have a problem with, myself included, is the victim-blaming in the comment thread of KMM’s post” which there was. I saw the posts before they were deleted and there are plenty of screenshots to back it up. The problem is while KMM did nothing to encourage it she also did NOTHING to stop it. She could have easily stepped in and said while she is comfortable defending her friend, the shaming and blaming of a child is not acceptable and to please stop. Which she didn’t. Not a single sentence to that effect did she post. She opened this door. She chose to announce to the world that she had no problem with what he did and the truth would reveal itself soon enough. And when it did, she retracted her support. But now it’s too late. Because we’ve seen what she and some of her fans feel about sexual predators and their victims. And it isn’t pretty.
I read the post and i didn’t see any victim blaming on Karen’s part but people perceive things differently. With that being said, and as a fan i don’t feel its right to blame her for someone else’s actions. Maybe she really didn’t have all the facts but she didn’t commit this terrible offense. Remember she is an author just like you who spends months wrapped in a world of her own making, and no one can be held responsible for the actions of others. This shouldn’t taint her career and it certainly will not stop me from reading her. Its kind of sad that as women we are constantly finding ways to tear each other down, instead of giving a hand when most needed to hold each other up. I’m sure at this moment what she needs is support from her own community and all I’m seeing is her fellow authors bash her on the week of her book release for something she had no involvement in. That tells me a lot….how dissappointing.
Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Carie, are you agreeing with Naj?
If not then please disregard the rest of this post…If you are then…. keep reading
Please please please show me the exact words above where Jeaniene wrote that KMM victim shamed. Please please please tell me where Jeaniene attacked KMM as a woman?? Let me quote Naj’s post above just to make myself very CLEAR “Its kind of sad that as women we are constantly finding ways to tear each other down, instead of giving a hand when most needed to hold each other up. I’m sure at this moment what she needs is support from her own community and all I’m seeing is her fellow authors bash her on the week of her book release”
Where exactly did Jeaniene tear down KMM? SMH… Can people read anymore?
Naj’s ignorant comments are based on the EXACT opposite of what Jeaniene posted. And don’t even get me started on the fact that neither of you even had the decency to address Jeaniene’s own personal experience she mentioned in her blog. You and Naj claim women need to support each other…. Well, then let’s start with you two supporting a fellow woman who was abused at 8 yrs old. Too much “talk the talk but not enough walk the walk”.
No one is blaming her for Phil Gigante’s actions. He alone is at fault for the disgusting things he did.
What people are disappointed in her is for her defense of him. She had a choice to say nothing, instead she choose to say that she knew the facts, that she knew what really happened, she downplayed his charges and that all her fans should trust her. She also deleted all comments with links to what he did. She left the comments defending him and comments that indirectly blamed victims. Those were her choices and people have every right to be mad at that.
If she didn’t know all the facts then maybe she shouldn’t have said she did. Maybe she shouldn’t have told her fans to blindly trust her when she didn’t have all the facts. Maybe she should’ve gotten the facts from the many links she was given instead of deleting them.
It was her choice to do the wrong thing and everyone else’s choice to not follow her.
I think I already replied to this same comment on my Facebook page, but I’m copying my answer here anyway. I never told you or anyone else to stop reading KMM’s books, and I agree that she shouldn’t be blamed for Gigante’s actions. By the same token, the victim shouldn’t have been blamed for Gigante’s actions, either. Here I will quote KMM from two days ago on her FB page (screen shot available here: http://redhotbooks.com/…/where-is-the-feverborn-review… )To recap, KMM said: “I know the facts of the case and what happened and it’s not what’s being reported. The only reason I never addressed this is because I knew some people who didn’t know the facts would see the dreaded ‘child accosted’ phrase and go ballistic. Either you trust me or you don’t. I’m satisfied that he did not do what he was charged with.” So, if my blog post was based on statements like that (and there were others) from both KMM and some of her readers, how am I bashing her for speaking out against victim blaming? And how is it not blaming the victim by saying that the perpetrator didn’t do what he was charged with, which at worst infers that the victim was lying or at best implies that she was somehow ‘asking for it’ and thus Gigante shouldn’t have been convicted. KMM apologized herself just a short while ago for defending Gigante when she admitted that she was wrong about the facts. So why am I a bad person because I wrote a blog post saying that I believed the victim when, as it turns out, KMM later admitted that Gigante did do it and she didn’t have all the facts when she defended him? Or are you upset with me for saying in general that I feel that victim-blaming is wrong?
I completely agree that no victim should EVER be shamed BUT I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to be writing blog posts shaming KMM. Write a post shaming Gigante but why try to bring someone else down as well?? I’m terribly disappointed in this, you say you aren’t against KMM but by posting screenshots and links you are putting fuel on the fire. By all means blog about child protection etc. but don’t slander others while you’re at it, so very wrong..
“You say you aren’t against KMM but by posting screenshots and links you are putting fuel on the fire.”
I only posted screenshots AFTER several KMM fans accused me of lying about what she had said. My original post (if you read it) never mentioned KMM’s comments directly, let alone quoted them, because I was trying to stick to the point that victim blaming in general is awful and yet sadly prevalent in our society. This whole Gigante scandal has certainly proved that.
Wow.. Naj, you really missed the big ass boat with this comment. You need to educate yourself with all the facts before posting again. And then an apology from you to Jeaniene should be forthcoming.
I was one of many people who commented on her post with similar response to what you just stated. I was so frustrated by the victim blaming and the removal of responses that advocated for the victim. Thank you so much for your measured and thoughtful response. It’s difficult to put yourself out there, but sometimes it’s necessary.
I don’the see where Jeaniene is saying that KMM was in the wrong, merely the individuals commenting in the thread were victim blaming….
Thank you for writing this post, and for its clear-eyed analogy of the way we approach sex-related crimes in contrast to almost any other type of crime, as in your example of car theft.
First of all, ALL of the facts were on the Internet for anyone to see. The girl was not only 14 but was a student at a school the pedophile volunteered at, so he was well aware of her age. There is no defense. None. And never should have been.
Anyone accusing Jeaniene of KMM of victim bashing has very sorry reading comprehension. She never did, BUT I read the comments on the now deleted thread and I wavered between wanting to be physically ill and wanting to hunt people down and hurt them. I hope all those who blamed a child for an adult’s actions don’t have children of their own. If they do, we should all pray that they’re never abused because there’s slim chance they’d be believed.
Amen!
Thank you so very much for the courage and strength it took to write this post. I personally have been very upset by the events that went down on Wednesday and how my comments were silenced, yet the post remained. Your voice in this matters, and it most definitely did today. THANK YOU.
Thanks for kind and heartfelt words. Much respect.
Thank you for making this about victim because that is what people are outraged about. People who want to miss that point are going to do so deliberately which is truly sad. So many are missing the point that we (since Pam, Melanie, Angela, and I plus several others are speaking out) are mad at KMM because she stood by her friend. That wasn’t the case at all: we were mad at the implied and outright condemnation of the 14 year old victim. We are upset that the apology doesn’t say “I should have in now way implied that the victim was to blame by saying I knew more than was part of the story. The victim should not in any way be attacked.” I think for me, it was a chance for her to use the platform to apologize and steer the conversation that had turned disgusting. Unfortunately it is still going on in the apology thread. As someone who had a family member victimized and had to cut a cousin (the mother) out of her life after she stuck up for the abuser saying her daughter was asking for it (she was 12)–it is not always easy to do the right thing (walk away from the person you loved, trusted, counted on) but you must. We got her daughter out of the house, her aunt (who was barely 20 at the time) took her in, got her therapy, and we all embraced her so she would know that she was much more than this one moment. She was not asking for it and despite what her mother said–she was indeed worthy of justice. Maybe this is why it hits so close for me but all I keep thinking is “what if that was your 14 year old”. 14 is an odd age–she may have very well been “sexual or flirty or whatever”—none of that means she is responsible, asking for it, or that she is to blame for the actions of a 49 (or even the 21) year old man. She is going to have her own stuff to deal with now without people excusing the behavior of those that were old enough to know better. Better yet, those that know right from wrong. So thank you so very much! I, for one, can’t say that enough.
I am so sorry for what happened to your family member. It’s appalling that she was abused, and appalling that she was blamed for it by someone who should have defended her (of course everyone should defend the victims, but you know what I mean.) God bless her aunt for taking her in and getting her the help she needed, and same to you and everyone else who stood by her and supported her.
I do want to say that I agree with you on every point here. I was not happy to learn that she silenced so many. Not a good choice. However, I’m glad she apologized. I would also like to see more reflected in a more succinct apology about victim blaming mostly because I still saw people doing that on that apology post. More education is needed. I loved how you ended this one with well wishes to the girl. I second that. 🙂
Yes! May that girl grow up strong, brave, wise and loved. It’s possible after all this. I hope she never doubts that.
If you find yourself blaming a victim or rationalizing the wrongs done against a victim…well, I think that’s when people need to evalualte what side of the line they stand on. Some wrongs, particularly those done against a child, have no explanations. Period.
You did a bang up job, Jeaniene. I know that’s not what you’re looking for, but sometimes victims – and survivors – need a voice.
Thank you for this. Victim blaming has to stop. I’m sick and tired of women and girls being held responsible for the bad behavior of the people who victimize them. It’s time for us to expect a higher standard of conduct from the rapists, the molesters, the accosters. I’m a lawyer, and absolutely, no one pleads guilty to an offense they didn’t commit – there’s a special kind of plea for cases where someone admits there is enough evidence to convict, but they still don’t admit they committed the crime – but that’s isn’t a “guilty plea.” There’s a judge who asks questions to make sure the person making the plea understands what they are doing. No, there’s no reason on earth to believe this guy wasn’t guilty.
“I’m sick and tired of women and girls being held responsible for the bad behavior of the people who victimize them.”
Amen! Change can come. We just have to fight for it.
Lay blame where blame is due. But when it comes to effecting others, do not hold them accountable. Karen Marie Moning is a brilliant author, that she had faith in a friend, goes to show that she has loyalty to that friend until she found out the whole truth and retracted that faith. But don’t hold what was done in the past with what has happened recently. He was a brilliant narrator and I’m sure he still is. But do not hold that against Karen Moning and her past works. He did bring to life the world that she wrote even more so than she did with the audio books. I for one will not stop listening to my books because this was before all this ugly mess came out. He did wrong, he pled guilty, it’s horrible what those children go through. Will I be listening to future audiobooks that Phil Gigante does if there are any, no. But KMM’s relies on those sales and that of her fans. I stand behind KMM. Like I said, she is a brilliant author.
This wain’t meant to be adied to this post. But I do want to say that sometimes the courts ate not altogether correct either. I had to do community service at one time and they put me with a man who preyed on me when I was under age. I do think they need to screen those people better. Phil should of know better. He was the adult.
Moning’s defense of Gigante isn’t surprising given her track record of romanticizing rape in the Fever series (Mac and Barrons), depicting the sexualization and grooming of a 14 year old girl, Dani, by 3 adult men, and the rape and murder of young women by the leads in her books (Barrons and Christian). She’s defended these writing choices on several occasions, wears her ignorance of social justice issues proudly and is hostile to those questioning these choices. Again, given her track record, I’m not surprised that she’s chummy with sex offenders.
I’m going to respectfully disagree that writing “forced seduction” or teenage heroine/older hero or other tropes like those in romance is an indicator of approval of sexual crimes in real life. Those are not uncommon tropes of the genre, and many writers and readers enjoy them while being fully aware of the difference between fantasy and reality. If enjoying those fictional tropes infers approval of such acts in real life, then my love of horror movies would infer that I’m a fan of murder in real life, and I’m certainly not.
Enjoying horror movies does not indicate approval of murder; that’s a false equivalence of my point. It’s one thing to write about rape and sexualization of young women (and I think one must do it carefully) and it’s another thing to deny that you wrote a rape scene or that your depiction of your young protagonist being groomed by older men is problematic. Moning seems to be in deep denial about the nature of some of the scenes she has written.
The fact that she doesn’t recognize the problematic nature of what she has written leads me to not trust her judgment when faced with a real life sexual crime. She asked her readers to trust that she had secret information that made Gigante look less culpable. When I’m asked to trust someone I have to look at what that person has said and written to know whether I can trust her or not. Her lack of understanding of what constitutes rape and grooming of a child does not make her a trust worthy source.
I agree whole heartedly with you about victim shaming. So many sick men and women get away with sexual abuse/rape cause of this and it makes me sick! It takes a strong person to be able to withstand the scrutiny in a court, in front of dozens of people, and sometimes as well as from their own family to stand up and talk about it, report it. Thank you for not being afraid to stand up for this girl, and many others by letting everyone know you will not tolerate this victim blaming behavior by anyone!
Well said. Many victims of these abhorrent behaviors never discuss it, never acknowledge it due to victim blaming. Been there done that, not worth re-hashing. Thanks for saying what needed said.
Well said, She is a child he is the adult he is old enough he is wrong I hope this girl stands strong and don’t listen to these people that are saying she did something wrong she did nothing wrong, I know how hard it must be on her I went throu the same stand strong and stand proud, he’s the loser. Jeanine do not feel bad this may help her and I’m sure KMM realizes this you did not do any bashing I would tell if you did because I read both of you and this has nothing to do with ur craft this is ur personal life or feelings. STOP BLAMING THE VICTIMS
I love what you have said here Jeaniene. My heart goes out to this victim, that on top of the trauma she is dealing with, she is also having to deal with the publicity too!! I really lost my respect for KMM because of this. Too many times we see victim bashing, which is horrible. In my area where I live, there are some that believe that the victim is to blame and it sickens me. Too many out there are too afraid to come out because of victim bashing. Very proud of this teenager.
I do not agree at all with victim blaming. I think that what this man did is disgusting and he should definitely be punished. I also agree that there was a ton of victim blaming in that thread which is not ok. I really thought this was a great post until I got to the bottom of it. Linking to news articles is one thing. Saying I’m not bashing Karen Marie Moning nor trying to stop people from reading her and then linking to two blogs that do is not ok in my opinion. It’s like I’m not bashing her but let me point you in the direction of those that will. I’m disappointed in KMM for not using only factual information in her posts instead of her personal opinion. I’m disappointed in you for linking not just to news, but to blogs that are extremely negative towards KMM. I think everyone makes mistakes, including two of my favorite authors. An authors mistakes won’t stop me from reading them, but it definitely makes me look at them differently.
You’re completely right on all of this. And you’re a good person for being willing to stand up and say it.
I am very saddened by this turn of events for Phil. I would like to add my two cents in if you will allow me. I do not blame the victim at all. I hope she will get help. The sad fact of this whole situation is that Phil is not guilty of this crime. He was made to believe that if he did not plead guilty, he would be put in prison for 10 years and not get to see his children finish growing up. He is quite the family man and this weighed heavily on his heart. So, even after I begged him not to do it, he pled guilty thinking that his children being without their daddy for 4 months would not be as detrimental to their psyche as it would be if it were ten years. The judge at his sentencing paved the way for a appeal for Phil. Appeals can be done after a plea agreement in cases where someone has been coerced into pleading guilty by using false information or false promises. I am hoping that the appeal will get Phil the justice he deserves and clear his name. For those of you who have doubts, just remember all of the people who have served time for crimes that were later cleared by DNA or other evidence. It happens all the time. I’m sad to say that I now know one of those people personally.
Valerie, with all due respect, everything you wrote is hearsay [definition: information received from other people that one cannot adequately substantiate; rumor.] What has been verified by an official court proceeding is that Gigante pled guilty, was sentenced, and is now serving his sentence. I believe in innocent until proven guilty, but this case is well past that. Because of this, I cannot put any stock in your defense of him. I’m sure you believe everything you’re saying, but unless Gigante’s case IS overturned on a rare appeal after a guilty plea (and if it is, I will be happy to apologize) then 100% of my support is for the young lady that the court found to be the victim in this case, and who I feel has already been dragged through the mud far too much over this.
I didn’t have any preconceived notions that anything I said would change your mind, however I felt compelled to speak my heart. Thank you for listening.