(Note: This post is written with tongue firmly in cheek.)
Hey friends, feeling bloated after all that Thanksgiving gluttony? Want to purge your body of all those remaining toxins? I have the perfect solution: the raspberry jam ‘cleanse’! Just follow the five easy steps below.
Step 1: When your husband tells you that he had a bad digestive night after eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, don’t take him seriously! Think only, “Hmm, PB&J. That sounds good. I’ll have that for dinner tonight.”
Step 2: Same evening, don’t ask your husband to tell you which of the three raspberry jams in your refrigerator caused his digestive upset. You don’t need facts when you have Women’s Intuition! Boldly choose a raspberry bottle, tell yourself that this can’t be the one that bothered him, and then slather that jam thickly over your bread.
Step 3: Wait a few hours in smug ignorance.
Step 4: Feel an ominous gurgling in your stomach. Only then ask you husband which raspberry jam bottle he used the night before. Find out it’s the same one you used earlier. Take a Zantac and hope that it fixes everything.
Step 5: CLEANSE BEGINS.
And to think, some people pay a lot of money for fancy health food store cleanses! All you need is some obviously funky raspberry jam, a complete lack of common sense, and voilà! I feel like a new person. *passes out*
Well…Thank you…I think. 😀
I seriously can not stop laughing!!!!
Went on a cruise in May. It was lovely – double desserts every night and brunch every day. Because, not to would be wasteful, right? Food waste is everyone’s responsibility. 😉 Last day of the cruise, I fell in the saltwater pool, gulped a gallon of nasty, salty human stew water. That night lost all my cruise weight (and then some.) Traveler’s Tip: Want to disembark faster? Carry a barf bucket (a beer bucket will do) and they will do everything they can to get you off their ship.
Meant to add – I sure hope you are feeling some relief today.
LOL! I did well this year and didn’t over eat, but there was NOTHING green on my sister-in-law’s table the whole weekend. So I feel the need to eat salads, veggies and fruit for a week to help with all the beige food I ate. LOL
Aha! I knew I was right to not be a fan of jam 😉
Instead, chicken tenders have made me and someone else in the house ill, even though we’ve eaten them many times with no trouble before.
Smug ignorance will be the end of us all 😉
why didn’t he just throw it out? I wish you both a speedy recovery