(Note: This post is written with tongue firmly in cheek.)
Hey friends, feeling bloated after all that Thanksgiving gluttony? Want to purge your body of all those remaining toxins? I have the perfect solution: the raspberry jam ‘cleanse’! Just follow the five easy steps below.
Step 1: When your husband tells you that he had a bad digestive night after eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, don’t take him seriously! Think only, “Hmm, PB&J. That sounds good. I’ll have that for dinner tonight.”
Step 2: Same evening, don’t ask your husband to tell you which of the three raspberry jams in your refrigerator caused his digestive upset. You don’t need facts when you have Women’s Intuition! Boldly choose a raspberry bottle, tell yourself that this can’t be the one that bothered him, and then slather that jam thickly over your bread.
Step 3: Wait a few hours in smug ignorance.
Step 4: Feel an ominous gurgling in your stomach. Only then ask you husband which raspberry jam bottle he used the night before. Find out it’s the same one you used earlier. Take a Zantac and hope that it fixes everything.
Step 5: CLEANSE BEGINS.
And to think, some people pay a lot of money for fancy health food store cleanses! All you need is some obviously funky raspberry jam, a complete lack of common sense, and voilà! I feel like a new person. *passes out*