Construction, my dog acts like a vampire, and a book rec

I keep meaning to blog more regularly, but stuff keeps happening. Example: during the past two weeks, we had a construction crew at our house for nine straight days. Why? Last summer, pipes burst and flooded our family room. We dried everything and repaired the pipes right away, but that meant holes were cut into our walls and ceiling in the family room, with other holes in the upstairs bathroom. Why didn’t we fix it last year? To sum up, a bunch of stuff happened that caused us to push it off. Then, I was deep in Must Write Book mode. Since I work out of my house, I didn’t want to lose almost two weeks of work because I know from past experience that I can’t concentrate enough to write during an active construction site. So, with Ian’s book finished and the first set of revisions completed, we finally got our house put back in order. I will NOT miss the holes in the walls & ceiling, although I joked to visitors that the plastic taped over them was very nouveau chic (no one thought that was funny.) 

That topic covered, onto my dog, which – from the subject line – is probably why most of you are bothering to read this post ;). His name is Loki, and we got him back in 2012 when he was only 10 weeks old. On the left is a pic of Loki when we first brought him home. He’s the sweetest little guy, but right off, we knew  Loki had some issues. For starters, he was inordinately afraid of people. This wasn’t normal puppy shyness – both my husband and I grew up with dogs, so we’re very familiar with them. Plus, Loki is our second dog as a married couple. Gypsy, our first, feels that every human she meets has been put on earth solely to pet her, but I digress (although I can’t resist showing you a pic of Gypsy on her last birthday. Isn’t she cute?!)

Needless to say, we were concerned about Loki’s excessive fear, so at the advice of a dog trainer, we sat with him in front of public places and asked strangers to give him  dog treats we provided. This resulted in more than a few awkward conversations with store managers where we had to explain that no, we weren’t panhandling – we were just trying to socialize our puppy. This did help Loki, by the way. He stopped seeing new people as potential threats, but in a variety of ways, he showed that he still had anxiety issues.

I’m not going to list all the remedies we tried over the next four years because that would take too long. Suffice it to say that if you’ve heard of it, we probably tried it. We took him to different doctors and specialists in two different states. His final diagnosis, after ruling out LOTS of things, was that he has chronic anxiety from a probable biochemical imbalance. He’s now on medication that greatly reduces his anxiety. His hair is no longer patchy (yes, his hair had been literally falling out in paces, poor guy) and he no longer jumps at every sound. He does, however, have a remaining distinctive trait – he only likes to come out at night.

Don’t get me wrong; Loki loves to go on walks, and to state the obvious, there is sunshine outside. However, he has a marked dislike of being out and about in our house during the day. Seriously. He will spend most of the day in his favorite covered cubby (see pic after I’ve lifted the blanket up) coming out only to eat, get a quick walk, get a scratch, or briefly play. But as soon as the sun goes down, Loki comes out and STAYS out. No, he doesn’t have an eye sensitivity or other optical condition (remember all the vet visits I mentioned?) He just far, far prefers the night. *grins* Maybe I should have named him Vlad instead of Loki.

Finally, I have a book rec for you. If you follow my Twitter account, you’ve already heard me raving about it, but I’m repeating my raves here because IRON AND MAGIC, Iron Covenant book one, releases tomorrow. In short, I loved loved loved this book. The romance is slow build, snarky and sizzling, and the action is nonstop and epic. Since this is the first book in a new series, you don’t have to have read Ilona Andrews‘ other books to enjoy this, but I can’t recommend those enough, either. From the back cover:

Hugh d’Ambray, Preceptor of the Iron Dogs, Warlord of the Builder of Towers, served only one man. Now his immortal, nearly omnipotent master has cast him aside.  Hugh is a shadow of the warrior he was, but when he learns that the Iron Dogs, soldiers who would follow him anywhere, are being hunted down and murdered, he must make a choice: to fade away or to be the leader he was born to be. Hugh knows he must carve a new place for himself and his people, but they have no money, no shelter, and no food, and the necromancers are coming.  Fast.

Elara Harper is a creature who should not exist.  Her enemies call her Abomination; her people call her White Lady.  Tasked with their protection, she’s trapped between the magical heavyweights about to collide and plunge the state of Kentucky into a war that humans have no power to stop.  Desperate to shield her people and their simple way of life, she would accept help from the devil himself—and Hugh d’Ambray might qualify.

Hugh needs a base, Elara needs soldiers.  Both are infamous for betraying their allies, so how can they create a believable alliance to meet the challenge of their enemies?

As the prophet says: “It is better to marry than to burn.”

Hugh and Elara may do both. Preorder link: Amazon | Amazon Paperback | BN | iTunes | Kobo

Read the first three chapters.

Atlanta KissCon tickets now live!

Hi, everyone! As promised, here is the ticket link and information for the Avon KissCon event in Atlanta, Georgia on Saturday, October 20th that I and several other authors will be attending. From Avon Books:

Order your tickets here:

Tickets are $40 and include Sweets and small bites, bubbly wine compliments of Babe Rose, and a chance to mix and mingle with beloved romance authors Tessa Dare, Jeaniene Frost, Brenda Jackson, Eloisa James, Beverly Jenkins, Maya Rodale, Cat Sebastian and Maisey Yates! Add in a KissCon exclusive tote, filled with Avon and Harlequin swag, as well as two must-have advance review copies and a certificate towards the purchase of a mass market paperback at FoxTale BookShoppe. There is a limited quantity of tickets, so act fast! 

As a reminder, there WILL be early copies of SHADES OF WICKED, Night Rebel book one, at this event, so readers who attend can get the book ten days before it’s official release.

Hope to see some of you there!


As promised, here is the latest SHADES OF WICKED snippet. In case you missed the other ones, they are HERE and HERE. Each snippet is in linear order as far as the book goes, by the way. Haven’t visited my blog in a while and don’t know what book I’m talking about? Here’s the cover and back cover description.

The Rule Breaker

Master vampire Ian is unrepentant, shameless…and every shade of wicked. He’s made one too many enemies in his two centuries of existence, including Dagon, a demon who now lays claim to his soul. Ian’s only chance to escape Dagon is to join forces with a Law Guardian, but he’s never been able to abide by the rules for long.

The Law Maker

Veritas’ normal role is police, judge and jury to reprobates like Ian. But she has her own ax to grind with Dagon, so if she can use Ian as bait…well, all’s fair in law and war. As they scour supernatural hotspots to perfect their trap, Veritas soon realizes Ian’s devil-may-care, roguish image hides something much more powerful. And Ian discovers that Veritas has shocking secrets of her own. As they’re drawn to each other with a passion as intense as their peril, either love or justice will prevail. But each will have devastating consequences…

Usual disclaimer: Copyright Jeaniene Frost. This is pre-copyedits, so you might find spelling and/or grammar errors, plus I might add or delete a line or two between now and the published version. Disclaimers aside, hope you enjoy!


Ian led me past the fountain room to a different one that could double as an erotic version of Eden. Vines, branches, and flowers covered the walls and ceiling and made up the furniture, too. Many of the people lounging here had decided to copy the garden theme by wearing only leaves and petals as clothing. So much for Ian saying tonight was black-tie formal.

Moans drew my attention upward. Long, thick clusters of white and lavender wisteria hung from the high ceiling. A few of the wider clusters had arms, legs, and other body parts protruding from them. Some mage or witch must have bespelled the wisteria bunches so that whoever was inside them could float. People had taken advantage of that perk and were making love with a fervor that made me hope none of them were human. If they strayed too far from the gravity-defying clusters, they’d harm themselves from the fall.

“Keep going,” Ian said, though his brow flicked suggestively as we passed another wisteria cluster with at least three people writhing inside it. “Unless you’re slowing down because you want us to join them?”

I glared at him as I quickened my pace. “No.”

He gave me a speculative look as we continued through the room. “What do you do for erotic recreation? Mencheres said you almost never shag vampires, which for the life of me I can’t understand. Ghouls are vigorous lovers, yes, but they don’t have fangs, so you’re missing half the fun. Humans are tasty and enjoyable, but they tire so easily, plus someone with your strength would likely break one during orgasm-”

“Would you shut up?” I snapped. He’d hit too close to home with that last remark.

He pulled me back when I attempted to stride ahead of him. “What, then?” he went on as if I hadn’t spoken. “A combination of ghouls, the occasional vampire, and battery-operated devices?”

Once again, he was closer to the truth than I was comfortable with. That’s why my tone was even sharper. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

His turquoise eyes began to fill with emerald. Then he began to propel me toward the nearest wall. “Perhaps I would.”

I didn’t know what had caused his abrupt change in behavior, but I dug my heels in to stop his progress. Faster than a blink, he picked me up. I debated punching a dent into his head for his impertinence, then decided to see where he was going with this. He might only be acting out the “fighting” part of our “fighting couple” ruse, though I had a feeling this was more serious. 

“If I’m wrong about my other guesses, what then?” he murmured, moving so close the full length of our bodies touched. Then he leaned down until his forehead rested against mine. “Demons? They are, as the saying goes, a hell of a ride.”

I wasn’t a fan of being swept off my feet and backed against a wall. If anyone else had manhandled me this way, I’d be slamming my head against theirs hard enough to split their skull. But for reasons that had nothing to do with maintaining our ruse, I didn’t smash Ian’s head, stomp on his feet hard enough to break them, punch a hole through his ribs or do anything else violent. Instead, filled with an urge I couldn’t explain, I trailed my fingers down Ian’s chest with taunting flicks.

“Why do you care who or what I have sex with? You’re not tempting enough for it to ever be you, so how is the rest of it your concern?” 

As soon as I said it, I regretted it. It was a blatant dare – and Ian loved dares. His eyes lit with emerald flames and his arms hardened around me. I squirmed, but not nearly as much as I could if I truly wanted to get away. Instead, my efforts only pressed me against him in more suggestive ways.

His nostrils flared. Oh yes, he knew the difference between what I was doing now and what I did when I was serious about breaking his hold. It’s not as if our first fight had left Ian any doubt as to how I acted when I really wanted to get free.

Soon, only scant bits of air separated the most intimate part of our bodies. Another centimeter would have those parts touching. I found myself taking in a breath just to inhale his scent. He glanced down as if wanting me to know that he was thinking about closing that space between us, but he didn’t. Instead, his eyes glowed a brighter shade of green as his mouth slid down until it touched my ear.

“What if I told you I had every intention of changing your mind about taking me for a lover?”

The breath from his words felt like feathers brushing my skin. His hands were on my arms, lightly kneading the pressure points in the softer areas of my flesh. I wouldn’t have considered arms to be an erogenous zone, yet each touch elicited shivers of pleasure that traveled far beyond my limbs.

I should tell him to get away from me. Right now. But what came out was a breathy, “Aren’t you supposed to fighting with me instead of trying to seduce me?”       

His low laugh ticked my ear in all the right places. “Who says I can’t do both?”

I didn’t trust my body’s reaction to that. It didn’t help that his light touches and the brushes of his mouth was heightening an ever-growing need. Soon, it was all I could do to keep my hands at my sides instead of sliding them up his back to pull him closer.

“Quit playing.”

I’d intended my tone to be sharp, but once again, it failed. What came out was almost a purr instead. Gods, had it be so long since I’d indulged in a little pleasure that I was about to surrender to the most dangerous supplier of it?

“If you want me to stop, then stop me,” he murmured before I felt the brush of his fangs on my throat. If my heart had still been capable of beating, it would have started to race. I could not be in a more treacherous situation. So why did a reckless part of me wanted to tilt my head back to give him better access? 

“Say no,” he went on. “Or shove me away, and I’ll stop.” Then his tone turned darkly promising. “But if you do neither, I absolutely won’t stop.”

His lips brushed against my skin with each word. I shivered and his breath hit me in a sharp exhale as he felt it. His scent changed, deepening into a more luxuriant mix of caramel and cognac. I found myself breathing it in until my chest swelled against his. A lower, rougher sound escaped him and he closed the last space between us.

SHADES OF WICKED releases on October 30th in print, ebook and audio. Pre-order: AmazonB&NIndieBoundiBooksBooksAMillionKobo 

October appearance, updates, excerpt head’s up and more

Hi again! This post is going to be a potpourri of topics, so apologies in advance for jumping all over the place. Let’s get started with appearances! I will be at Avon KissCon in Atlanta, GA on October 20th, along with fabulous authors Brenda Jackson, Tessa Dare, Cat Sebastian, Beverly Jenkins, Eloisa James, Maisey Yates and Maya Rodale! This event is hosted by my publisher, so attending readers will be able to get a copy of SHADES OF WICKED, Night Rebel book one (Ian and Veritas) ten days before it’s official release on October 30th. To get information on tickets when they’re available, sign up for the Avon KissCon newsletter now, or I’ll post the link on my website once it’s live. Hope to see some of you there!

Speaking of newsletters, due to the GDPR compliance requirements, I have a new privacy policy. Read it here. Important notice for newsletter subscribers: if you didn’t re-sign up for my newsletter by May 28th, you were dropped from it. If you didn’t get the notice and/or it was buried by everyone else’s new privacy updates, and you did want to stay on my newsletter, you can sign up for it HERE, hosted and managed by CofffeeTime Romance.

That’s most of the business updates. I meant to do these two weeks ago, but I’ve noticed a disturbing new trend of unfortunate events after I finish a book. Last time, within two weeks of turning my book in, I sprained my ankle, pipes burst in my house that flooded my living room, and my husband was bedridden with the flu. This time, within two weeks of turning the book in, our air conditioner broke, my dad had another small stroke, and my dog got vaginitis (didn’t know dogs could get that? Neither did I!) Thankfully, Dad’s okay, my dog’s lady parts are better, and now I have a new air conditioner so I’m not fainting in the Florida heat. But, as you can imagine, dealing with all the above plus doing my revisions kept me off my blog, and don’t even get me started on my inbox. It’s getting so full, it might morph into a new life form and attack me. If I owe you an email, my apologies and I’m getting to it. 

Next up is a small funny. As those of you who follow me on Twitter might already know, I had originally sent SHADES OF WICKED to Ilona after it was finished so she could read it. But, a day later, I got critique notes from my other BFF Melissa Marr, so I emailed this to Ilona:

“Don’t read the book! Melissa read it and it DOES have *censored for spoilers*. Good news is, a couple chapters with a new action scene should fix that, and I can add in a little more page time with Cat and Bones there, too. Also, I have the change the epilogue, plus make several smaller tweaks throughout.
I should be able to knock that out next week, so seriously, I’d rather you not read it until after I’ve made those changes. You’ll have a better book that way. Ok?”
Here was Ilona’s understanding response:
No! I started it already! I am reading it!
My totally rationale rejoinder:
Stop!!!! Seriously!!!! I want to fix this stuff because now it’s making me CRAZY knowing it’s there!!! Please stop and let me fix and send you the updated version next week. Pleeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeee
 *puppy eyes*
Her compassionate reply:
This is going on twitter.
A note about Ilona: She doesn’t bluff. See proof: 

She DID Twitter-tattle on me! Lol. Anyway, after I revised the book, I sent it to Ilona with this note:

Here is the revised book, containing 25% less suckage. 

Her gracious, absolutely-not-still-holding-a-grudge reply:
Is it okay to read?  Are you going to take it back?
My also-not-holding-a-grudge-reply:
Snerk. As you told me, this is going on Twitter! 😉
Proof that I am just as petty here, heh: 

Yes, birds of a feather DO flock together, lol. Thanks to Melissa Marr and my editor for the wonderful notes that gave Ilona a better book to read, if she isn’t still grumpy at me over taking it back. Finally, speaking of SHADES OF WICKED, look for a new excerpt from it on my blog later this week. Hope you have a wonderful Monday!


Important: Read the Privacy Policy for Jeaniene’s website HERE



Yes, the blog has been silent lately.  Sorry about that, but I had a good reason. Last night, I typed my two favorite words in the world: The End. Shades of Wicked is now officially in my editor’s hands!

*throws confetti*

Now, yes, I know that “The End” really only means “Take One” because there will be editor revisions, critique partner revisions, possibly another round of editor revisions, copy editor notes, and galleys. But still, for the moment, I can bask in the glory of being DONE…until my first revision letter arrives, heh.

To celebrate, I’m going to do my usual: go outside for more than brief trips to the grocery story, and couch-surf while inside. I’m thinking a trip to the zoo, museum, and a few other places for the first, and for the second, I’m currently binge-watching the tv show Elementary. Yes, I know, I’m SO many seasons behind, but that’s working out for me at the moment because I can watch several shows in a row. So far, at the end of season one, I’m loving it. It also amuses me that apparently, in a later season, the character playing Sherlock mentions being the inspiration behind a sex scene in “Chapter 32.” Have one of the show’s writers read my book? I have no idea, but I’m going to pretend that’s the case even though countless other books probably have a sex scene in that same chapter number ;).

Oh, and yes, there will be more snippets from Shades of Wicked coming soon! Just want to get the nod from my editor on what scenes she thinks are good enough to share, pre-revisions. If you haven’t read the other snippets yet, they’re here and here

That’s it from me. Hope you’re having a wonderful week!


Appearance change, flattered and funny

This post is going to skip around a bunch. I’ll start off with the appearance change. Unfortunately, I will not be attending Shameless Con in Orlando this October after all. I’m sad to miss it, but I have a good reason that I hope will make you happy. As it turns out, on that same weekend in October (the 19th & 20th) my publisher is hosting another Avon Kiss Con and they had already penciled me in. Now, SHADES OF WICKED (more commonly referred to as Ian’s book :)) doesn’t officially release until October 30th. However, because my publisher is hosting Avon Kiss Con – and my publisher has all the books – they’re allowing a special early release of SHADES OF WICKED (paperbacks only; no ebook or audio) during Avon Kiss Con. So, attending readers will get signed copies of the book ten days early. Yay! I don’t have permission to share the Avon Kiss Con city yet, but I can tell you that it’s in the Southeast. As soon as I get the green light, I’ll post all the info.

Next up, I’m going to point you at something that made me so flattered when I saw it. I’ve long been a fan of author Charlaine Harris. Needless to say, I love love loved her Southern Vampire Mysteries series featuring Sookie, Bill, Eric, Sam, Pam, Jason and the rest of the gang. Some of you might know them from the show True Blood. Anyway, I loved them so much that when I finally met Charlaine Harris years ago, I fangirled all over her. Seriously, I couldn’t get out a complete sentence without fitting “I love your books!” in there somewhere. As it turns out, Charlaine is also one of the most gracious people I’ve ever met. She even headlined NOLA StoryCon twice, which is the reader conference me, Melissa Marr and Kelley Armstrong created it from scratch.

See? I still can’t talk about Charlaine without gushing, lol. Now, to what flattered me. Earlier in the month, Charlaine wrote a blog where she talked about how she’s often asked which novels featuring vampires are her favorites. Among the ones I expected to see (Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles, Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake novels, and more) I saw a name and series I hadn’t expected to see. My own Night Huntress novels. I couldn’t have been more flattered. Thank you, thank you, Charlaine! 

Finally, a funny. As many of you know, I’m friends with author Ilona Andrews. It’s not usual for us to send the other person scenes from our current works-in-progress to get a second opinion. That’s what Ilona recently did with a scene from her upcoming novel IRON AND MAGIC, first in the new Iron Covenant series featuring Hugh D’Ambray and new character Elara Harper. Readers of the Kate Daniels series will recognize Hugh as one of the most badass antagonists in the #1 NYT bestselling Kate Daniels series, but Hugh gets to tell his side of the story now, and wait until you meet Elara. Anyway, Ilona sent me a scene a couple weeks ago to critique, and I also got her to send me the rest of what she had written of Hugh’s book up to that point. I had intended it as a treat for when I finished my book, which – side note – I’m very close to finishing. But last Sunday, I was taking off writing because my creative brain was fried, yet I was bored because hubby was watching the NBA playoffs. So, I opened my partial file for IRON AND MAGIC thinking, eh, I’ll read a couple chapters. But just in case I read more, I sent Ilona the following polite, reserved request via text message:

Hey, favor. Will you send me the updated file of Hugh’s book?  Wanted to start reading and I know you’ll be out of town next week.

Then, I started to read. Two hours later, here is the exact email I sent Ilona because she hadn’t responded to my text yet. As you can see, the message is a little less reserved.

Have read the first hundred pages of Hugh’s book in only two hours. Only have 150 more pages until I run out. Can I PLEASE have more?????
I am loving this! Think I actually like it more than Hidden Legacy series so far, and you know how I loved that.
*grins* She replied three hours later, shortly after she got off the plane because I was wrong and she had already left to go out of town. The subject line was THIS IS ALL I HAVE and the message was “Emailing from hotel room. First email failed to attach, so try 2. Hope you like it!”
People, I am a bad friend for badgering her while she was out of town on a business trip and I DON’T CARE THE BOOK IS SOOO GOOD! 🙂
But don’t worry, Erika (my editor). I haven’t stopped writing to read the rest of Hugh’s book. I’m only reading it at night, after I make my word count, heh. 

Exhaustion, expectations and finding balance

I originally wrote this as a long Tweet thread a couple days ago, and I got so much feedback from other writers says they’ve struggled with this/something similar that I decided to post it here. So, here it is. Skip if you’re not interested in writing stuff or the publishing business.

This week, I was on my phone scrolling through Twitter (thus cheating on my Cold Turkey laptop internet blocker) & came across a thread with an author talking about her exhaustion versus her expectations. I don’t remember the author or everything from the thread, but I recall the author said she pushed herself with writing until her health finally deteriorated enough to force her to slow down. I could REALLY relate, hence this very long post.

Lots of personal info coming up, so apologies for TMI. However, I want other writers to know if they’re struggling with exhaustion-vs-expectations that they’re not alone. Here’s what happened to me & it didn’t matter that I’d already had several bestsellers by this point. A lot of writers (myself included) tend to think “If I just get to ___ milestone, I won’t stress anymore!” but that doesn’t happen.

Okay, until 2012, I thought if I didn’t write at the same pace as More Prolific Authors, I was a failure. That was simply how I considered it. After all, if these authors could write 2, 3, 4, or 5 books a year, then I should be able to do that too, right?

WRONG. But I tried. I frequently spent 12 hour days at my keyboard, not letting myself leave even if words weren’t coming. I also frequently didn’t take weekends off. If I did, I felt so guilty that it was difficult to even enjoy spending time with my family or doing non-work things.

The reason why is I kept thinking if I only tried HARDER, it would get easier to write more. But it didn’t. It got more difficult instead. Then, I’d get so depressed seeing other authors talk about 3K, 5K, or even 7K+ word count days when I was barely topping 2K after ten hours.

I worried constantly that I wasn’t a “real” writer like they were. All of this starting taking a toll on my relationships and my health. It started with night terrors. Several times, I’d literally wake up screaming while flailing as if I were being attacked. It scared the HELL out of my husband, as you can imagine. It scared me, too.
But it still didn’t get me to slow down. I kept thinking I HAD to continue this way or I’d lose the career that meant so much to me. It wasn’t until a couple years later, when I went to the ER with severe chest pains I thought was a heart attack, that I actually, truly thought “What am I doing?”

When I was waiting for test results to see if I might die immediately, I didn’t care if I ever wrote again. I only cared about spending more time with my husband and my family. It took something that scary for me to reset my priorities.

It wasn’t a heart attack, thank God. Or a pulmonary embolism, which it could have been from the ridiculously long hours I’d spent in chairs, not getting up b/c Must! Write! More! It turned out to be costochondritis, which is typically caused by car accidents, other injuries or lifting too many heavy things. I’d apparently given it to myself from sheer stress.

Now, I still care about my writing and my career because it’s my dream come true and the only thing I want to professionally do. But I’m not willing to harm myself for it any longer. Yes, I still sigh in envy when I see authors I admire writing so much faster than me, but I’ve stopped punish myself over it.

I know now that it doesn’t mean I’m a “failure” or “lazy” or “ungrateful” or not a “real” writer or any of the other things I told myself when I was trying to self-berate into faster productivity. It only means that some people write faster. And that’s okay, personally and professionally. Publishing IS competitive, but it’s not a winner-take-all game. There’s room for many kinds of authors, including slower ones like me.

This doesn’t mean you won’t occasionally burn the midnight oil to meet a deadline. It doesn’t also mean you won’t work weekends sometimes. But those things should be occasional and not the long-term norm. Not only are health issues a real concern, creative burn-out and writer’s block are common symptoms of overworking, too.

As with everything in this biz, other writers’ mileage may vary. I’ve met authors who write every single day with no ill effects at all. And good for them, really! But just because they can doesn’t mean that all authors can. Or should. Hey, some people can summit Mount Everest, too, but that doesn’t mean everyone should strap on a backpack and try it ;))

So, if you’ve duct-taped yourself to your laptop because you think you have to produce at levels that you’re simply not capable of, take it from me – cut yourself free. It’s not worth it and it probably won’t help you reach those goals, anyway. Do your best, then be okay with whatever that turns out to be. Hugs to you!