Teen suicide

I am copying this (with permission) word-for-word from Ilona Andrews‘ blog:

“A boy hung himself the day before yesterday.  My youngest daughter had several classes with him, first in middle school, and then in high school.  He used to sing to her.  She says he had a beautiful voice.  Yesterday she went to a candle light vigil at his apartment.

Mom, this was the worst thing I ever been to.  There was this woman and she had a bottle of vodka in her hand and they started playing music from Michael’s iPod. She fell on the ground and started screaming that Michael liked that song.  The noise she was making, it was just like… pain.  It wasn’t even crying.  It was pain.  And then Diego had to get her off the ground because we were afraid she would hurt herself. It’s not at all like the movies, when people cry.  The sound people made there, it was horrible. It was so sad. Everyone was crying and I cried too, because he was in my biology class and he was so nice and now he is dead and his seat will be empty. I don’t know how I can do it.

If you’re reading this, and you’re a child who thinks of ending his or her life, this is what you will leave behind.  This is what it’s like after for everyone who knew you.  Death is forever.  Everything else can be fixed.  Those who jump off  a bridge and survive say they regret their decision to end their lives while still in mid-air.  That’s how little time it takes to realize that all of the crushing things in your life can be changed.  Read this.

There are other options.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 1-800-273-8255

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This is the second teen suicide in two years we lived here.  In both cases, my daughters knew the children, but this is the first time my youngest daughter experienced the raw human grief.  It’s a terrible thing.  There is nothing really to be added to that.

Michael did tell someone he was going to kill himself and that person told him that he shouldn’t threaten with something like that unless he meant it.  Turns out he did.  That person now has to live with the weight of that and the guilt for the rest of their life. I understand this.  Teenagers frequently threaten to kill themselves.  It’s almost casual.  I failed an algebra test, I’m just going to kill myself.  I’m grounded, I’m just going to kill myself. Ninety nine percent don’t mean anything by it.  But some of them do, and it’s horrific and awful, and suddenly children who knew them realize that they are not immortal and life ends. As parents, we end up taking every single threat seriously.

Yesterday my kids carved pumpkins with their friends.  They had pizza and fried chicken and soda and watched the dogs play in the yard.  Less than two miles away a family was making funeral arrangements for their child.  It’s frightening.  The kids wanted to know why.  Why did he do it? There were a number of reasons.  Was it because his father was incarcerated?   Was it because some kids were mean to him at school?  Why, why, why? His best friend has no idea. His sister, who is close to him in age, has no idea.  They were going to do a duet at the talent competition and now she will never get to sing with him.

My youngest daughter wants some sort of answer.  I don’t know that there are any answers to be had.

You know, when kids are young, parents are like gods.  They can fix anything.  They can do anything.  They can make everything better.  Then as you grow up, you realize that there are limits to parental omnipotence.  I can tell you right now I feel completely helpless.  There is nothing to be done.  No amount of candle vigils, posts about being sorry, and crying will fix it.  A child is dead. He hung himself. It’s too late.”

Original post here.